And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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