it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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