I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize