I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
