my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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