Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
