He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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