for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
