I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
