he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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