true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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