I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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