tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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