I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
