real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
