I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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