There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
