yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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