Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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