I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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