no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
