we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
