Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
