Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize