Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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