**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
