I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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