home. puking in laundry basket.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I love you.
Bad choice
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
