So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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