How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize