Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
