Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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