sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize