While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
