oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
