Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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