the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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