how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
