"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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