He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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