mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
two words...techno handjob
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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