so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
