she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
apparently the secret to your success is patron
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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