I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
