I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
