Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
