New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
