he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
