four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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