Did you just see the Batmobile???
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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