Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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