I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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