you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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