We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
