Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
