Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
