her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We don't watch enough power rangers
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
