Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
