I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
